Outer planets

A while back I dreamt that Christy and I (who irl went off to college together) went to outer space together. There wasn't really any travel involved, or at least not conventional travel. Instead we were viewing the planets on a screen, and stepped through the screen when the right planet came up. She chose Saturn. I chose Uranus. She was living on the surface, I think- a groundling (not really possible, but in the dream it was)- while I was in a station orbiting Uranus at low altitude. Later there was a reunion or a party of some sort, where all the outer space... cadets?... met up, and in attendance was an important and popular girl who might have been in charge of the program. That girl was spending lots of time with me, who didn't care much either way, and pretty much ignoring Christy, who desperately wanted her attention.

I thought of this dream again as last night dreamt that I was to wake up at Uranus Comet 64. I believe it was 64; the numbers might have started out at 6:15, which is the time my alarm was set to go off.


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Visiting webfriends #2

Interesting- this one came the day after I dreamt about visiting Miji. We'll call this webfriend, um, Cappie. XD

I dreamt I went to Cappie's website, and several new people had joined. They had started discussions and everything, and I was trying to add a comment or a post about where to put their bios, since they asked. I had the most difficult time doing so, and realized that this part of the board had actually split off from the other part of the board, because the newcomers kept talking about autism and nothing else, and the website wasn't about autism.

I went over to see Cappie about this, just what was going on, at her apartment in the city. We met in the street outside, with others who had come over- she was having some sort of get-together there. Later we all went down to her apartment, which was sub-level, and I don't think I ever got a chance to talk to her or even find out what the get-together was about (though it seemed very Xanadu, somehow, so it must involve the Muses).


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Visiting webfriends #1

Let's call this friend Miji. I went to Miji's house to visit with her and her husband. Her husband was maybe going to take me skydiving off a canyon wall? And, goodness, but Miji did have beads galore, and her three (?) daughters were stringing them into garlands for the holidays.

When I left (I started to think of Miji as Chur then), I was going back to university maybe, and I was only a daughter (not wife mother etc). Also I had a (rather generic, faceless) brother, whom I was perilously close to, and who kept trying to kiss me.

When I arrived at the dorms (or barracks? never sure), I went looking for a shower. Funny, not a toilet this time! The bathroom in this place was awesome. There were private shower rooms, shower cubicles, fountains, and square tubs so deep you could stand up in. I was positively gleeful! I lathered up my hair while I was waiting, but they were all taken, and nobody seemed in a hurry to let anyone else have a turn.

There was one girl walking around, wearing a sign, trying to sell sliced ham. She asked if I'd buy some, and to give a good impression, I said, "Oh I love ham- I just don't have any money." I kept going around and around the baths, finding new ones, but not vacant ones, and eventually I accidentally went into the dining area, which was quite nice like a restaurant w/ booths, before finding my way to the baths again.

I never got a shower. :(


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Not what it seems

I had a plastic baby doll that started talking to me (rather like Ponyo to Sosoke) and becoming a real baby. I gave it a bottle of formula, which caused it to have diarrhea and vomiting. I cleaned it up and tried to nurse it instead (having much apprehension once it was actually latched on since it was not really a baby at all), but this caused it to vomit and poop even more. Baby seemed perfectly happy to be covered in dark olive green-brown liquid. o.O I wrapped the doll up and took it to the sink? to wash it, and when I unwrapped it, it had turned into a red truck or jeep, covered in mud. It didn't change back or talk anymore.

Then, it seemed Mom and Dad were staying with us in "the new house" which was a tiny apartment or duplex rental thing. The living room was actually just extra space around the main bedroom, which had curtains instead of walls. I didn't get a chance to talk to them much as I was trying to keep track of the kids. Our dog was running around, and at one point they were trying to find him, but he had changed into a human, a young man with black hair. He was sitting behind me on the tour bus in the apartment, looking very confused (at being turned into a human, or at there being a tour bus in the apartment?) and not speaking. I almost called him Derek for some reason before I remembered the right name (which, btw, is Zev).

Later on I was taking a bath and playing with my bath toys. (I find this most amusing.) I had an empty plastic green frame that I was laying on top of the water and putting all the toys through. This seemed like a ritual which needed to be accomplished. It occurred to me that all the people needed to go through the frame too, although now that I think of it, I'm not sure how we were going to fit through. I think I went through, and it wasn't a problem.


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Thinking of family

Saturday the 14th, I dreamt a very mundane thing: I checked my phone, which had not rung all day, and found I had missed 5 calls from Dad. (It turned out that I really did need to talk to him, rather urgently.)

Later that night I dreamt of my daughter. Her face was suddenly swelling here and there, spontaneously, and just as suddenly the swelling would go down and leave a horrible deep purple almost concave bruise. We were in my old bedroom at Mom and Dad's house. I wanted to take daughter to the hospital, and I was angry with Mom for not listening to me, and for saying that daughter would be fine. I followed Mom into the living room, where she, Dad, and my Nanna were sitting at a table, paying bills. Many of these were overdue. Mom held up an envelope, declaring that nobody could complain about them paying bills late, when it took this long for the insurance reimbursement (said envelope) to finally get there.


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Autumn Equinox dream

On the night of the Equinox, I dreamt I was in my parents' backyard with them, my sister and her family, and my kids. We were having a picnic (or at least sitting at a picnic table) and noting that all the fruit had ripened and that we should pick it. The fruit was growing from what seemed to be oak trees, only this oak tree was full of ripened watermelons, and that one full of bananas, and that one full of blackberries the size of grapes. One more I couldn't quite make out; I think it was a pumpkin tree.

Thing is, nobody noticed any of this until a watermelon fell off and smashed on the ground. I said something about, wow, just in time for the picnic, but none of them wanted any of the fruit and seemed unimpressed. I remembered planting the fruit trees there, and thought, if I had planted them at my house instead, I could have a yard full of watermelon trees, etc.


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September 19

Yes, that's how far behind I am.

I was with my sister? I think. I am always dreaming about a sister. Sometimes it is my real sister, but often not. Sometimes it morphs between a sister and my daughter, and sometimes a younger version of me. Especially in important or spiritual dreams. Maybe it is really profound, like my subconscious self? It seems like a Self thing. Like, she's me, but another me... somehow. Another part of me, maybe.

We were ostensibly at our new house because we were walking outside and I think following something, an animal, when it slipped under a corral fence onto another property which had two houses on it and a teenaged boy standing there between them tending his horse. I stopped, sister wanted to keep going. I said, that's not our land and we don't know them. Sister said, let's go find out, make friends. She ducked under the fence and I stood there. She came right back and I was going to ask her why she came back so fast, if anything had happened to make her change her mind, when the animal (I think it probably was the same one) came racing back into our yard.

The animal was now a huge black donkey, and seemed quite wild and not willing to be caught, yet our reaction was something along the lines of- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaw, come here donkey, as if it were a kitten. The urge to be close to it and hold it wasn't so much because it was cute, as because we thought we should take care of it.

Okay, this is all very much codependent. Our reaction, that we "need" to take care of it, that's so codependent. It obviously doesn't want our "help"- our "help" is just a means of controlling it. That's not a healthy way to interact with anything. Also, that's not a normal reaction one has with a mad donkey. One doesn't usually want to scoop up a wild, mad donkey and feed it cookies or something. One would probably get the hell out of the way and leave it alone. Why are we drawn to a donkey, much less a wild one who despises us? Is it because it is wild and doesn't want anything to do with us? Do we feel the need to change it?

Donkey. Well, that is surely a contrast to the horse. A horse is a noble creature, a donkey... not so much. But it's close, so you could pretend it's a horse... As in, surely if we tried, we could change this wild, mad donkey into a tame, loving horse?

Oh, that's very... pathetic. Ouch. Let it be, selves!

We went up to it and it didn't run away, but it backed up and protested quite loudly. I put my arms around it (or tried to), and it bit me, a savage bite on the shoulder, and I knew then that I would turn into a vampire. The donkey bolted away and the dream changed settings somewhat.

My ear (I'm not sure but maybe my right ear? only one of them) grew into a huge black donkey ear. (now, see, if I had started to turn into a llama..., but no, it's a jackass instead.) Then the ear fell off completely and changed into a bat, which flew up and transformed into a vampire.

Still with me?

The vampire was the head vampire (apparently by popular vote), and said since I was now a vampire I should go and live in the haunted house with him and the other ghoulie things. Then he flew off. The house was down the way, an aged grand estate complete with spooky tree in front and neglected garden gate, etc. Oh and apparently now I could change into ether and whish around unseen or see-through and all that- but only at that house.

I wasn't a vampire, though, because instead I developed the ability to turn into a Jäger (pic), from the Girl Genius comic. I was pretty thrilled about that (probably because it was so ridiculous- I feel about as much like a Jäger as a doily feels like a ninja star, most days). Jägers are easily my favorite monsters, but in any case, I certainly liked that much more than being a vampire, for sure.

(Btw, the Jägerkin are based loosely on Mr. Hyde from the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde story- the whole, drinking an infernal potion idea- only the Jägerkin stay Jägerkin forever. In the dream, it seemed that it was more of a temporary accomplishment.)

I was walking to the haunted house with, well, at first with my sister, but then it apparently was with someone who was supposed to be my husband (much like the other was my "sister")- even though this guy was a blond Jäger. And I was thinking, you know, I didn't even like this guy until he became a Jäger. He was switching back and forth almost every other step, and when he was Jägerkin, I thought, this is the best guy ever, and when he was human, I was quite unimpressed.

We got to the house, and it was me and my sister or maybe younger brother now, and I said, wait here. I'll fly in and see if anyone will change you into a vampire, too. I whooshed in, but in the dream I just saw my sibling waiting there for my return. The verdict was that they were not interested in my sibling or at any rate it just wasn't done. I knew this as my sibling standing outside, and then the sibling went home I presume.

Then the perspective shifted and I was in the house, which was not a haunted house now but sort of an apartment or flat, apparently where my family lived. Maybe husband's family at first? Generic family, at any rate, not the actual real people. Somehow I had just come back from shopping with son, and everything had been eerily vacant and abandoned, with ghostly winds blowing through the parking lot. We never made it into the store (I think grocery or maybe Target) but just came back home. My son wasn't even there in the house, btw. There were a million green potted plants along one wall of windows, so that you couldn't even see the windows, but the light coming in was warm and sort of green and welcoming. There might have been something about bacon- that part is REALLY blurry lol.

Then I was in the kitchen/dining room and the phone/answering machine on the table went off, and it was my family calling. Apparently there had been a huge flood in my hometown, which had now abated, but which had threatened all their lives and killed my Nanna (my maternal grandmother who actually died of cancer before daughter was born). They did not sound in the least bit shaken by any of this or surprised that I hadn't even heard about it, and they were even making jokes at my Nanna's expense. It was disturbing but mostly I was really tired of hearing everybody snark at each other and being so hateful- I was really tired of it and depressed.


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Sunflower Tower

I dreamt something cryptic about an enormous sunflower (think: Sequoia Sunflower) growing out of a well that was built up with stones so high that it was also a tower.

At one point a wizard checked the tower, and the sunflower was not there anymore, and the(very clear) water level was falling.

This is apparently a very spiritual dream. The sunflower, tower, well, clear water, and wizard all point towards meanings of high hopes, abilities, and talents under the guidance of (and in tune with) a rewarding spiritual path. The loss of the sunflower and the falling water in the well are troubling, enough that the wizard comes out to check it to see what is wrong and how to deal with the situation. Possibly my hopes were too high or my sense of security was ultimately false, or maybe I am just not feeling "well", but a wizard can handle such things, you see. A wizard is all about honing skills and exercising personal power- being aware and making decisions in a proactive and deliberate way.

This is not Harry Potter. :)

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For the C.J. Cherryh fans- A Bren dream

This is set in C.J. Cherryh's Foreigner Universe:

Bren Cameron had a girl, a young woman, who was not his daughter or anything but maybe worked for him? Hell, it was probably me, and my brain tried to make it seem like Bren's always had me in his household. You know dreams.

At one point, the girl/I went to the store, and there were marquis bulletins saying to go to the nearest hospital and be tested for a deadly virus that was sweeping the nation. I didn't think much about it, and was just hoping I didn't have it I guess, but Bren went down and was tested and he had it. They had a cure for it since they caught it so fast (suddenly wasn't very lethal, was it?). Everyone else was tested but they didn't have it. Tabini called Bren on the phone (I'm so sure) to reassure Bren that Tabini didn't have it.

All I really remember is that there were only humans in the dream (boring) and that Bren was working in some sort of very cluttered apartment as his office, with books and materials stacked everywhere. I don't remember why I was sent to the store...

At one point in the dream, I must have realized that this didn't go along with any storyline CJC had published, and suddenly I was me, and I closed the book I was reading (as if my dream to that point had been the story of the book) and checked the title. I think it was something Two and Light, maybe Two Points of LIght??? It was a collection of short stories by various authors, and this was one that CJC had written herself. So it was okay. So I opened the book again and the dream resumed from where it had paused. :p

Had to authenticate my escapism, there.

Bren Cameron is, well, something of a bridge between the human and the atevi on his world. His job is to maintain the peace through a careful balance of give and take between the two peoples, in a way that respects and empowers both, and most of all prevents unfortunate misunderstandings (or, misfortunate understandings, as I keep trying to say). In this dream he seems beleaguered, working in a closet with work piling up all around him, and only me as an assistant. Plus he has apparently contracted a lethal virus (but is saved- yay).

I imagine this dream is trying to tell me something about how I connect with other people, or keep a delicate balance between two worlds (perhaps potential and actual)(self and other)(typical and autistic). Being sick usually means there is a kind of breakdown, either physically or emotionally. I am taxing poor Bren to the limit. He needs more helpers and he needs to take a rest and take care of himself instead of being a workaholic hero.

Bren and I have a lot in common (very much too much sometimes), so he's probably me. And I only have me as a helper. And I still have to authenticate the situation by checking on someone else's say-so. ;)

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,

Sorry, there. Life exploded.

and September is shaping up to be a supernova.


I will try and post as I can, but please forgive if I need to redirect my energies towards other things for a while.

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The Princess Diaries?

Somehow I became married to a princess. I have no idea, people. Don't ask me, I just dream this stuff. Earlier on I know my husband was there (with a collapsible white van), but later he just wasn't, and I was in Europe, and apparently married into some royal family or other. (not the British one though! no worries there.)

I think I had met them at... wait for it... the mall, when I asked where I could find bookshelves for my apartment. They weren't formally dressed at the time, either. The princess (whose name was Catelynn Elise)(and I found myself thinking, wherefore art thou CATELYNN? and insisted on calling her by "Catelynn Elise" in full since she didn't like just Cate)... the princess at first thought that I should marry her brother who would be back in town soon, but she and I married before he could get there. And really he wasn't my type lmao as if any of it made sense! He did look rather like Hugh Grant though.

Her family was fine with their daughter/relative married to another woman, but I wasn't so sure my family would be thrilled, princess or no. We were moving to the States to get our degrees (the college life), but I thought maybe we should go to Canada instead, since there would be less hassle, esp legal, over our status.

Wow that must be the ultimate escapism dream... not only do I no longer have to worry about anything that has to do with my real life, but I get to finish my degree and be the heiress of European royalty as well. ;)

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A Scarry dream

This one was a cartoon, viewpoint being the backseat of a cartoon car in which sat the worm family from Richard Scarry's books. You remember Lowly the worm? Yeah. He was buckled in the backseat, and his parents, complete with hat and bonnet respectively, were in the front. It seemed to be a normal car, and not an apple with wheels- but it was red.



The background music for the dream (was not coming from the car radio or any other discernable source) was Aaron Copeland's "Beef: It's What's For Dinner" bit. (Meaning, the musical composition entitled "Hoe Down" from "Four Dance Episodes" from "Rodeo" written by Aaron Copeland published by The Aaron Copland Fund for Music- and used in a series of commercials for the Texas Beef Council.)

Usually dreams about cars have to do with where your life is headed, and who's doing the driving, or who's in control. Lowly Worm is an interesting character because, though we see him attending Busytown School with the other children, we also see him piloting helicopters and other things that usually only adults do. He's always been sort of a mystery in that regard- is he grown up or not? In this case, apparently not, as his parents are in control of the car- but maybe the question is what's important here. Is he grown up, or when will he, and why isn't he taking control of his life? Lowly worm being representative of, um, probably me. Me as a lowly worm (again with the self-esteem issues!), in a make-believe world, sitting nicely and letting those with cultural seniority do "what's best" with my life. Me, who tends toward vegetarianism, listening to music from the Texas Beef Council.

Anyway, it was still pretty creative. All subconscious-level criticism should be this fun. I think it would have been really cool to ride in an apple car, by the way. ;)


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Training

I was having fun browsing a lovely flea market run by gypsies, but I also was a gypsy myself, as apparently was my mother-in-law, who sent me off on an errand. I passed several covered stands, one of which specialized in cheeses, before returning with my sister and settling some dispute having nothing to do with us. Then it was not a flea market, but a train we were aboard, and we were not gypsies but at least my mother-in-law and her family were rich and powerful. Think: the Orient Express. I was still running errands between the dining cabins, etc. Then we had to evacuate the train which was now a hugely impressive manor house and which may have been on fire. We waited out on the wet grass, with the rich passengers in their fine dresses (mostly ladies, as it were). That was soon settled, however, and as I came back up the steps I realized I was not at the front door but at the service entrance, itself being grandiose, and I was looking in on the servant kitchen and dining area curiously.

Next thing I saw was the train roaring away on the tracks. I was deep inside the manor house now, which was not a manor house but a prison. A stone castle, really, a fortress used as a prison. I was not a prisoner myself per se, but I was in boot camp and we were not free to go. The instructor/big beefy drill sergeant had us run up the stairs of the tower. I was in the lead and did not realize that they had all stopped on a previous level. I came back down immediately (after almost reaching the top), but the instructor had already declared that the group was to be punished for not stopping me, and I was to be punished for not noticing on my own. This punishment was for me to pick someone out of the group of fellow boot campers and beat them. They were all very cheerful about it and the smallest ones, who were ostensibly my cousins, volunteered first. (I think perhaps they were the students of Gunnerkrigg Court, and the drill sergeant did somewhat resemble Mr. Eglamore.) I had serious reservations about punching a girl half my size, but I decided I didn't want to find out what the drill sergeant would do otherwise, so I just punched her very lightly. We then proceeded to prepare for some sort of mission, and in the background another train passed by on the tracks.

Well, a market is available opportunities, and a flea market is putting old skills or ideas to new use- learning from the past. Me being a gypsy, seems to be me wanting to be free to follow what course I want without the usual restrictions of day-to-day life (although I have to say that traditionally speaking, gypsies don't get much respect). I may want to be free from the restrictions of normal life, but I am still running errands (although they do appear to successfully resolve diplomatic issues). I have no idea what my mother-in-law is doing there (except she's Egyptian, which is where someone came up with the word Gypsy in the first place), though the archetype says this means pleasant results after initial animosity, and that makes sense in regards to these mysterious diplomatic issues.

Then I am on a train- going from wanderlust and wishing there in camp to my life's journey in motion. Of course, the subconscious is wonderful when it comes to puns, and I think this train is also a symbol for my being in training. I want to change my life, especially this position I'm in where I am always serving others and overly submissive, but I have doubts about my abilities. Probably it will all work out in the end- the track only goes one place, after all- but I am worried about it. The train is as elegant as the mansion it becomes, which symbolizes achievement and personal accomplishment, even if my self-esteem is still so low that I'm running around in a faded yellow t-shirt and jeans. I'm in a rut, not drawing from or living up to the potential I have. The mansion being on fire signals that I need to transform but that I might not be ready to do so yet- why, I can hardly go in the servant's entrance and explore the kitchen, where this fire comes from, without the scene changing altogether.

As the train speeds away, am I left behind? I am being held back, restricted, censored. By whom? I am not a prisoner of the state. Did I sign up for this boot camp voluntarily? Also, I am in a veritable castle, climbing the stairs in the highest tower. This means I will be recognized and honored, that I am making significant spiritual progress. It means too that I am avoiding real life again, and I do get called back down from the top of the tower in the clouds to a more reasonable level. The drill sergeant seems to be part of me that is a tyrannical task master, probably my perfectionist tendencies of which I have been trying to rid myself. On the one hand, the drill sergeant calls me (as Me and as my other Gunnerkrigg camper avatars) on being responsible for paying attention, communicating, and sticking with the matter at hand. He also prompts me to deal with frustration and anger when it happens. That's well and good. On the other hand, he encourages self-blame, self-punishment, and self-aggression, which is not healthy at all. That I follow the drill sergeant instead of standing up to him may indicate the key issues I need to face in order to reach my potential.

The train passing by again seemed to underscore the fact that I was training, apparently for an important mission, the nature of which has not yet been revealed. (It did not feel as if life were passing me by- actually, it seemed to reassure me that there would always be some train or another to catch whenever I was done.) Since the dream started out with me on a mission, and ended with me on a mission, and was filled in between with me on errands galore, I'd think this idea of a mission was pretty important. I wonder when my subconscious will fill me in on just what it is.


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A Tully dream- the ghost

In this entry, I refer to my real-life daughter as Brigid, which is not her actual name. I've been having connection problems and now am way behind. Sorry for the delay-

Sometimes I have dreams that I have a son named Tully. This has been going on for years, and these dreams about Tully are very realistic. I used to dream just that he was my son, my youngest, and the dream never really got into where he came from, but in the last few dreams (over the course of the last year or so), it was more like he was adopted.

I wanted to share this dream with you because it was so... potent. All the details were there, and no weird dream-stuff or anything out of place. I didn't even realize I was dreaming until I woke up.

I sat in the hallway right outside my daughter ("Brigid")'s preschool classroom, waiting to pick her up from school. Tully sat next to me. We had just adopted him, he's roughly 4-6, and he's autistic. which is new to this dream. And god, who cares if he's autistic, he's my Tully and that is just a minor detail to me. But he is autistic, and he's never been there before, and he's tuning everything out because he's a little overwhelmed. Brigid's teacher sees me there, and comes out, talking to me, and says, "Oh, who is this?" (because we haven't told anyone about Tully yet.)

I say, "Who is who?" pretending that I have no idea what she's talking about. "You know who I am."

She's amused and says, "No... who's that?"

I say, "What are you talking about? I'm the only one here." I'm doing this as a game, because I know if I try to introduce Tully the ordinary way, he will zone out and hide away because he is feeling overwhelmed. I'm trying to get him to speak up for himself on his own, on his own decision to do so. Then maybe he will feel more in control and able to handle it.

She catches onto this game, and says, "Are you sure? I could have sworn I saw somebody else."

"No, there's no one else. Just me," I say. "Perhaps you saw a ghost."

Tully starts to laugh and says, "It's ME!"

"See, now, I just heard something! Didn't you hear something just now?" she says.

"What? No. No, I didn't hear anything," I say, grinning.

Tully is laughing, giggling now, and he says, "No, it's ME, it's ME!"

I say, "Oh my goodness, where did you come from?" More giggles. "Are you the ghost?"

He jumps up. "I'm not a ghost! I'm Tully!"

"Are you sure? How do we know that you're real?" I say.

He says, "I'm Tully I'm Tully I'm TULLY!"

I give him a playful yet extremely skeptical look, and say, "Is it okay if I make SURE you're not a ghost, then?"

He's giggling and says ok and I very carefully reach out my finger as if to touch him. Then I act all scared and snatch my finger back, because I can see that he loves this game. Then I reach out my finger slowly slowly and then I bravely kind of poke him-

and he disappears. Just disappears. Just *gone*.

I look around shocked, and the teacher looks around shocked,

And I wake up.


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Portals in the sky

A young girl, who had long, dark curly hair and was wearing a deep green dress that set off her fair skin and freckles, picked up a dime in the parking lot of an apartment complex. As she stood up, holding the dime between her thumb and forefinger, it shimmered and became a circular portal, and she became a very young woman, standing in a lush green park. The perspective changed, so that it seemed that the portal was closer now somehow, and apparently larger. She let the portal go, and it floated up and joined six other such circular portals in the sky, in a formation reminiscent of the Olympic rings. In the dream I thought of them as Circles.

I do believe Mary Poppins was singing in the background, and the young woman was able to access the power of the rings, especially to create beautiful art, with the understanding that the rings could also be used to destroy. It was late evening or early night, with the stars bright overhead, and the feeling of the dream was one of profound freedom (with no undertones of morbidity regarding the whole power to destroy). Through the sky overhead sailed a dirigible airship, steered by Agatha Heterodyne in prime comic form, and I thought to myself, that must be from the new upcoming Girl Genius movie (which, as far as I know, is only in production in my head). I've always thought it was interesting when comic and cartoon characters inhabit the same space as more realistic people in my dreams. I think it's interesting after waking up of course; during the dream it seems quite normal.

The symbolism and the mood of this dream are remarkably empowering to me, and I woke up feeling energized and renewed. The young girl at the beginning is in a parking lot, which is a sign that one is feeling overworked or caught up in routines and the artificially fast pace of life (since when was a parking lot ever relaxing?). Coins represent missed opportunities, but she finds this dime and picks it up, so she reclaims this opportunity and gets a second chance. In doing so she matures while still retaining her youth and vitality, in fact her potential ripens as it were, and now she is in a park, away from the man-imposed structure of the world and back in touch with nature and with her sources of replenishment. The coin upon becoming a circle represents completeness; upon becoming a portal (door) represents new opportunities and new stages in life, and new connections to others, which lead to other opportunities, connections, and levels of growth (the other circles). The coin being a dime instantly brings to my mind "Destiny turns on a dime." I would like to say that the Olympic rings reference (which was explicit in the dream) signals working towards excellence, and since 7 is a spiritual number, this dream bodes very well for healing, personal growth, and self-awareness. Especially since there was so much green everywhere, and green is for healing and growth too. The power to create and to destroy is the same power, and the girl has access to it and uses it be creative and express herself through art.

Mary Poppins? Well, I haven't watched that recently. I'm going to lean towards her having mostly to do with watching the girl grow into a young woman (since MP was a nanny) , with not conforming to the "rational adult" view of everything as simply mechanical and without magic, with being a supportive guide who (in the dream) was there but behind the scenes. The singing is wonderfully optimistic and communicative of all these things.

A dirigible is like a balloon, and can mean rising above troubles; it is also steerable, so you are in control and not at the mercy of the elements. Or, perhaps Agatha Heterodyne is in control, and that's interesting as she is a very smart, powerful girl who never thought much of herself growing up but is now becoming confident and finding her way in the world. Also she is a bit of a mad scientist, but we'll let that pass.

The fact that I was not actually in the dream is probably a bit telling. I was not the girl or the young woman or Agatha; I was not even there at all- it was all third person omniscient. Plus I referred to part of the dream as actually being part of a movie, which makes it even more detached. This tells me that the potential is there, and the opportunity is there, and I need to engage personally, instead of allowing that it is possible for some archetypal or fictional character but not for me.

(Although, Girl Genius just won a Hugo and it has been on my mind a lot. And it would just be awesome if they made a movie.)

See also: Remembering dreams.

(The two mice and cages are from a separate dream.)

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Remembering dreams

My dreams are quite vivid, but I would forget most of them automatically and not even realize it if I did not cultivate certain habits. For example's sake I thought I'd take you through the writing up of today's dream (Portals in the sky).

Before I go to sleep, I remind myself that I want to remember any dreams. It is a mere statement of intention, but it can be quite a powerful help, especially when you are first starting to practice. I set the alarm to go off an hour before I need to actually get up- to catch myself during a deeper level of sleep. As soon as I wake up, I jot down key words of the dream, and then usually keel back over until I have to get out of bed as I am not a morning person. I used to try and write out the dreams in their entirety, but that takes up too much time and I usually am falling back asleep as I write. Later on in the day, I am able to use those key words to jog my memory and relive the dream in my head as I write it out in detail.

The most important part of remembering a dream for me has been to realize when I am dreaming and to pay attention.

The key to realizing you are dreaming is to look out for things that would not happen in reality. Waking Life discusses several techniques such as flipping a light switch or trying to read a clock. A technique championed by the works of Carlos Castaneda is to look at your hands. In dreams, controls often do not work, the hands of a clock may spin strangely, numbers and letters may move around independently, and you might not even "be" in your own body, much less have the control of your normal hands. For me, it is usually obvious that I am dreaming when the park rangers announce the rhinos are about to perform synchronized ballet, or, in today's dream, when circles appeared in the sky and opened magic portals to other worlds. (On better days I would have realized before then, I'm sure, but I was very tired when I finally got to sleep early that morning.)

At first, it is common to be so surprised or excited about realizing that you're dreaming that you wake yourself up. With practice, that becomes less of a problem. Then you can focus on what is going on in the dream. The more attention I can pay to the dream as it's happening, the better I can remember it later. The more I can fully accept and immerse myself in the realm of the dream, the more vividly and potently I will recall small details. In today's dream, once I saw those magic circles, I tried to remember what happened before then and how exactly the magic circles came to be, as well as notice where I was, what time it was, who else or what else was there, and what I was feeling about it all.

When my alarm went off, I stumbled over to write things down. Now, I have a notebook and pen that I keep by my bed almost all the time, specifically for this purpose. However, I was especially out of it that morning, and instead ended up jotting everything in an open JC Penny catalog. I went back to sleep, and later, when I finally found my notes, they consisted of the words: 7 circles, dime, art, create/destroy, park, Mary Poppins singing, dirigible, GG movie, 2 mice, and cages, written in brain-storm type clouds on a page featuring a matelasse coverlet on sale for $24.99. This was enough for me to remember what the whole thing was about.

I do advise writing out the dreams as soon as possible, however, because in a few day's time, your notes might make as much sense to you as those notes of mine just did. Even if I only achieve some very sketchy outline, I try to fill things in right away or I risk losing it altogether.

Next article up will be about interpreting the dreams. :)

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A different sort of string theory

Earth was the size of a car,
and I put my head out the window.
space went streaming by
then--- look there!
a galaxy speeding away from us:
backlit, beautiful, and
connected to Earth;
you can see the string.
and there! and there! and there!
others, all separated, never to meet again
yet forever connected to Earth,
sparkling like charms on a bracelet.

As the universe expands, not only great celestial bodies are moving further apart from each other, but people grow distant from each other, and even we as individuals grow estranged from our earlier selves- yet at no point in time is the connection ever broken. That is the feeling I got from this dream- one of surreal beauty and acceptance and, yet, deep loneliness.

This passage by Marilynne Robinson resonates in much the same way:

In every important way we are such secrets from each other, and I do believe that there is a separate language in each of us, also a separate aesthetics and a separate jurisprudence. Every single one of us is a little civilization built on the ruins of any number of preceding civilizations, but with our own variant notions of what is beautiful and what is acceptable- which, I hasten to add, we generally do not satisfy and by which we struggle to live. We take fortuitous resemblances among us to be actual likeness, because those around us have also fallen heir to the same customs, trade in the same coin, acknowledge, more or less, the same notions of decency and sanity. But all that really just allows us to coexist with the inviolable, untransversable, and utterly vast spaces between us.

(page 198 of Gilead)

And, I guess, maybe the universe won't go on expanding forever. It may well reach a certain point and then start collapsing back in on itself: all the parts reuniting to make whole once again.

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Adventure, Romance, Mad Science!

I just heard about Girl Genius receiving the 2009 Hugo award for best Graphic Story, and I knew I had to find a dream that was somehow appropriate to celebrate. This, my friends, is as close as I could come- in that it involves a powerful, somewhat evil, somewhat mad-sciency family. Enjoy the dream (vintage May 2007, way before I ever came across GG)-

I was not dreaming from first-person perspective, but rather third-person omniscient. It centered around this young blonde woman, having found something in a recently discovered secret family depository, and coming out of this room, she was now wearing a helmet. The helmet was rather Darth Vader-ish except her face was not covered; however, the helmet was not the thing she found, but whatever she found brought the helmet into being. I think rather she found some kind of ancestral relic, or even an ancestor themself, because she seemed a different personality, like she was in communication with the dead. It was slightly evil, but then again, the whole family was. Not quite sinister, but, I don't know, bent on world domination or something.



As she came out of that room, she met her grandmother in the hall. Her grandmother was fully human but reminded me instantly of Ilisidi (From CJ Cherryh's Foreigner series) in her manner and authority. The young woman (they had no names! perhaps I should call her Sheila or something) interrupted her grandmother's stern rebuke (for going missing all morning when there was business to attend) and then there was a pattern of red lights which seemed to come out of the helmet towards her grandmother (red like laser tag), but when Sheila walked away, the repeating pattern of lights was still in the same place, of unknown origin. The grandmother then started reciting something along the lines of an Ave Maria, and simply kept on until she repeated the whole thing, though Sheila was by then gone. Afterwards the grandmother seemed unduly subdued and automaton-ic for the rest of the dream, speaking to no one.

Sheila had gone into a main room, with many other of the family there, cousins et al, and a non-family member came in the room as well, asking if they could perhaps schedule their daily television interview (concerning the family's stock, I think?, not the stock they own but stock in the family itself, as it was up on the market) earlier in the day from now on. At this point I started dreaming from the perspective of a young man, perhaps Sheila's cousin. He had noticed the change in Sheila (although it was obvious, others had not) and so, uncharacteristically, asked Sheila if she thought they could get the requisite stock market research done by 9 AM. Sheila, now aided by whatever spectral powers, said of course. So it was arranged.

Then Sheila went outside and the male cousin followed. I guess I'll call him Gilbert; I have no idea. Sheila asked him if the ... insurance?... was paying for that research time, and remarked that it was an unnecessary expense. (I do believe this research involved a chemistry lab, and I'm not sure what they were doing to the stock market in there.) Gil replied that if it were no longer necessary, they could remove that option... he was basically tagging after her at this point, trying to find out what was going on- what the ancestors or powers that be were up to.

When I woke up I had the firm suspicion that the family in the dream was none other than the Brontes. Maybe I should have said Charlotte instead of Sheila, except Charlotte was not a blonde... This dream might definitely end up as a short, insane story someday. ;)

(Truly a great comic.)

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Hello, Newman.

Apparently we lived in Missouri, and Newman was our neighbor. Only god knows why, but Newman kidnapped me and my husband. We were held hostage in his house overnight; we weren't tied up or anything but for some reason were unable to leave. Newman wasn't mean to us, actually I think he was sweet on me. o.O So why did he kidnap my husband too? Anyway, in the morning, we detained him somehow and made our escape back to our house, whereupon we realized that we needed to go grocery shopping and said we should have just eaten breakfast at Newman's before we left.

Again, I hardly ever watch tv, had not seen anything with this actor for eons. The last thing I had watched was Wallace and Grommit (Curse of the WereRabbit) and a really unfortunate glimpse of America's Funniest Home Videos, which featured ---of course!--- the infamous and ever-popular groin injury shots followed closely by Babies With Something Stuck In Their Butts---oh I kid you not---every idiot with access to a camera, a baby, and a pretzel is trying to win a million dollars--- at which point, lamenting the existence of tv itself, I turned to my husband and asked, Why do we still live in this country?!? We have to move to New Zealand!

But I didn't dream of THAT; no, I dreamt of Newman. ??? okay.

Unless... unless Newman is symbolic of America! We are trying to get away from a certain aspect of the American populace, symbolized very well by Mr. Newman there, but when we get to this dream location, we discover it is out of milk. Yeah well it's either that or tropical disease or something; can never be simple you know.

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Interplanetary kitchen travel

I was with one team that went to another planet. (Woo! but seemed so nonchalant at the time.) We had just arrived on what was supposedly Mars. The horizon was smaller than that of Earth's somehow; a bizarre effect. The planet was mostly brown and had lots and lots of TREES. Yay, Mars with trees. Twas a happy dream.

My team and I were hiding from another force (also human) on the planet. We had to sneak around and avoid detection. At one point we were no longer outside in the open but were in a kitchen that was somehow outside (free-standing with no roof). I told my team (I was not the leader; I don't recall a leader) that we can't be going into the kitchen like that especially at night. Hardly clandestine to go around flicking on light switches and rustling through drawers!

In another dream that night, I was at my grandmother's house. My grandmother and grandfather were not there, and it was their old house, and things were arranged differently. Again I was in the kitchen. The refrigerator was in the real-life dining area. I was going through the refrigerator looking through things I had left the last time I had been there. There was an plastic inflatable doll (not THAT kind of doll, people) that was still partially full of jell-o? in one leg? Okay, that was very weird. Then there was an incredibly bad piece of bologna (complete with flies, in refrigerator), and at least three or four containers of chili. I think I pretty much emptied the fridge and there was nothing for me to eat...

The general feeling of these dreams was one of exploration- going to another planet certainly added adventure in there too, while a spy mission on Mars itself indicated ambition and distrust of others (without outright war). The kitchen aspect is more a place of emotional warmth, acceptance. That I didn't think I should be spending so much time in the kitchen on Mars might mean that while I wanted more emotional security, I was afraid to rely on friends, or that I was afraid of being too sentimental, overly-friendly with others, and not realistic enough. It appears my team was looking for something there. Still, I was overall happy, and the trees are always a good sign of strength and personal growth.

That I was searching through the refrigerator in my grandparent's old house seems to be me looking through my family's past- including memories of time spent with family and my family themselves and what I may have inherited or learned from them. The doll hints at childhood; that it was plastic made me feel that I as a child was an artificial construct- I simply acted how others wanted me or expected me to act, in order to please them. The doll being mostly completely deflated speaks of my low self-esteem. It does have at least one leg to stand on, but that leg is full of jell-o. Not exactly rock solid, there. Rotten meat is never a good thing, to my knowledge- perhaps health problems- and coupled with quite a lot of chili, one might think the health problems were directly linked to intense emotions and bad temper. It is really sort of sad that I did not find anything sustaining in the fridge, and that I was alone in the house to boot. At least on Mars I was part of a team.

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Drums and Aquariums

My drum set had some strange gunk on it, so I decided to soak it in the aquarium. It was not an assembled drum set, but all the drums were there, floating about with the fish and decorations- quite a large aquarium! In fact, there were also turtles and alligators alongside these huge goldfish, which were eating the gunk off of the drums. It didn't seem to bother the fish at first, but then they all started to die. As they died, they transformed from huge goldfish to (freshwater) angelfish, and they sank to the bottom of the tank with their faces pointed down, almost like they were spades stuck in the gravel. The fish were a faded orange, and looked like arrows pointing down.

Suddenly there were fish all over the floor of the apartment, in neat and precise rows, stuck in like spades or tacks, and it was almost as if the whole place was an aquarium even though it wasn't submerged in water.

At one point in the dream, I wrote this all down so I wouldn't forget to put it in the journal. ;)

What to think of all this? Well, in real waking life, I have neither a drum set nor an aquarium. Drums call to mind marching to the beat of a different drummer, which applies to me in terms of originality, eccentricity, and also stubborn insistence. Perhaps drums symbolize my own different way of doing things. So it appears that my own different way of doing things is not quite pristine- in fact, it's a little gunky. I'm inclined to believe in this case that the gunk might be interpreted as mud, and that since my drums are muddy, it means that my way of doing things (drums) has been criticized or beset (mud-slinging).

In order to right this, I have set the drums to soak in the aquarium. Aquariums, being water-filled containers, often refer to the subconscious mind or emotions. My way of doing things has been criticized, so I am trying to see how I feel about that.

Alligators and turtles may refer to being thick-skinned or hiding in my shell when it comes to these criticisms.

The goldfish are representative of luck and wealth (being gold) and the bearers of significant emotional insights (being creatures of the water). The goldfish eating the gunk are literally digesting the criticisms against me. What insight do they bring? They transform into angelfish, where angels are heralds of important messages and of spirituality. They also, by transforming into orange angelfish, transform into orange arrow-shapes, like those used in construction signs or warning signs. Pay attention, they say. Be careful.

The fact that the fish die is not really bleak, it is simply another change (as from goldfish to angelfish) and signifies changes which need to or will occur in my emotional understanding. It is more important that the "arrows" are pointing down, in the gravel, which means I need to be more grounded. Maybe some of the criticism against how I do things is grounded. Maybe I am walking about with my head in the clouds and I need to pay attention and be more practical.

That the arrow/angelfish are no longer confined to the aquarium but line the floors of the apartment as well shows that this message needs to come to conscious awareness and be applied to real life. The importance of the message, or the effect of the changes I need to make, is all pervasive, and, apparently, will impose a very impressive order as well (all lined up in neat and precise rows). That the floor is involved may show that I will be supported or find support as I implement these changes- although the tack analogy means that this process might not always be comfortable, and the spade reference might mean I need to do a little more digging before I can really proceed.

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The Reading Tree

I was visiting an old and magical estate, there with another girl my age who was apparently also me or me from another place and time. The gentleman who had up until now owned the estate, and who may have been a shaman, was giving us a tour of the grounds. He looked quite young but that was an illusion. We had reached the back of the house, and were in a sublevel or basement level which was so extensive that it actually became a series of shallow caves with passages to the outside if you ventured back that far. We deigned to venture that far, and the gentleman was showing us yet another library when we came upon a gigantic tree who was sitting there reading. Upon seeing us, the tree swiftly retreated back into the caves, its gnarled face lit only briefly by my flashlight.

Too amazed to be sure what we had seen, we stood in shock for a moment. Our guide, however, was not in the least surprised and proceeded to tell us the legend of the tree (which for him was first-hand knowledge of a much more direct kind). It had spent hundreds of years gaining enough power to be able to move and then to cross that line between most of nature and man, which is to be able to read and access all that stored knowledge. The tree ultimately aimed to combine man’s knowledge with the knowledge that wild, natural things have, which is quite considerable in itself. It had been clandestinely reading for years, and had come to have a disturbing view of man based on these readings, and ironically had absorbed some of man's mindset as well. The tree automatically assumed that we would prevent it from fulfilling its grand plan.

The guide then said he had a previous engagement and he didn't want to be late, leaving us there in the back underparts of the house alone. My sister self and I didn't get very far when out of the shadows lunged the tree, and from behind us the guide reappeared and stopped it with a glance. He told us that when he said be careful, he meant be careful, and prompted us to go outside to the yard where it was broad daylight. Then he wished us luck and gave the estate over to us, and left to god knows where his shamanistic journey would take him.

The tree, however, was not deterred by daylight, because it was afraid that we would get reinforcements to destroy it, based on what it knew of people. It was very scared of us, and it channeled that fear into rage- rage that we would disrupt or destroy the plan it had spent all those ages working to achieve, now when it was so very close to succeeding. It charged us from a distance, and that was phenomenally impressive, to be charged by a giant raging tree. It had to navigate a narrow passage to get to us, and, to that purpose, it called lightning down upon itself, purposefully breaking off a significant proportion of its branches so that it could fit through _{that’s how powerful it was}.

Immediately after, it realized that along with those branches it had sacrificed a corresponding amount of its own power, and now was no longer powerful enough to enter into man’s world and read. So there was this moment when it just stood there blinking, shocked out of its rage and realizing what it had done- and how influenced it had become by the thoughts of man. And we looked at it, and it looked at us, and we were truly sad for it, and it realized that we would not have harmed it in the first place. It just turned around to go back to the woods of the estate, to grow in power, and to one day return and start its reading over again.

Later we were in the gardens in the immediate back of the house, and there was a deck area and a large pool, a smaller pool, and a spa. Our extended family was reclining around the pool, enjoying a sort of semi-formal barbecue. The sun was beginning to set, and it was the beginning of autumn, with the leaves turning red on the trees.

The owner had left us a book on legends of the estate and the area, and now in the background a narrator's voice was reading a story from this book about a prominent regional goddess. (This was heard only by myself and my sister self.) Something about it was very familiar, and I thought how when I’d seen the tree, and the tree was mad, I had immediately thought of the tree as “it” or “him”, but, now, remembering how the tree looked when crestfallen and shocked, I realized the tree was “she” after all: She was this exact goddess in the book. Everything matched up.

The narrator mentioned a ritual the locals did to worship that goddess, which involved saying her name over and over to yourself while in the water under the setting sun. Looking around at the family get-together, at the sky and the water in the pool, I realized the conditions were right. With a knowing glance at each other, I and my sister self jumped in the water, laughing joyously and feeling carefree. I was her, she was me, and we were both the goddess tree.

That’s how the dream ended, with this scene of us joyful, confident, surrounded by family. We were hopeful for a renewed beginning, even though we knew there was a long period of rest and stillness and waiting (a long winter) between now and then.

I love dreams like that… the ones that are like amazing stories that someone else is telling me.

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Soldier the winter white

Here is a dream I had of stormtroopers or teaming hordes as snowflakes, sent to conquer the land out of spite and cold self-righteous hypocritical fury- indefensible abuse presented as vengeance against evil, as the force of good in the world, and as the only true path for justice. Snowflakes as deception and assault and lack of empathy. And the return of the Sun, when the reality is brought to light.

Soldier the winter white;
Purity, be our guise
as troops deploy through
howling, haunted, blizzard-ridden skies.

Our noble purpose cast
sole claim upon the land;
righteous silence issues forth-
let other views be damned.

How pride does overwhelm
and details small secure;
the waif and viper both alike
do enterprise no more.

Until the sun approach,
warm intercession cast,
and observe ourselves forgiven
and how our numbers vast

In puddles prostrate lay,
consumed by common mud,
though soon enough a monument
will bloom where we once stood.

I like the ending of the dream the best, as it shows that the result of it all to the one assaulted is not permanent harm but personal growth.

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Copyright 2009 Amy Howell. All rights reserved.

To start us off, here is a doozy.

did you ever see the movie Splash? the 80's one about the mermaid? do you remember when, towards the end, scientists were after the mermaid, and they caught the human guy she loved and had put him in a tank---to see if maybe he was a merman or something too? well, they had him in this giant aquarium-looking tank, hooked up to monitors and the like.

and in the beginning of this dream, that's what was going on with my daughter. she was in a big aquarium-tank full of water, and apparently under scientific observation. maybe I was even the scientist, but I'm not sure, it changed too much. obviously she was the subject of some kind of experiment, and they were watching her to see what would happen.

during the course of the dream.... my daughter wove a cocoon around herself. I swear. I've never dreamt anything like that before. (the closest I've come is dreaming that I was being wrapped up like a mummy in order, so said the dream, to get a good night's sleep!) it was a regular fuzzy buggy looking cocoon. and we all eagerly awaited the moment she'd emerge, to see the transformation that had taken place.


now one might think that, obviously, she would emerge as a beautiful butterfly. and everyone would oooh and aaaah and she'd be so colorful and delightful. but, this is my daughter we're talking about here. that would be entirely too silly as far as she's concerned. I don't think she has the slightest regard for butterflies (although we all know that she likes to pet bees). (in fact we might have predicted she'd emerge as a dinosaur. :D) no, no, my daughter emerged from the cocoon as--- a baby hippo.

yep. the cutest darn baby hippo I've ever seen, but, a baby hippo.

maybe you see why I was so very disturbed by this dream. in the dream, mind you, I was not upset about anything. it all made sense in the dream. but when I woke up, I thought, what in the world? (and be prepared for me to sound very nerdy about this; I do enjoy being analytical and nerdy, you know ;) )

well... I thought... the kids' favorite animal at the zoo is the hippo. the exhibit is such that you see the hippos from underwater, as if in a big tank. and one hippo (the one the kids really like) is such a ham. for such an enormous creature (on average, they're 11 feet long, 5 feet tall, and can weigh up to 7,000 lbs), he is a graceful being, always showing off his underwater ballet. he twists, he turns, he comes up out of the water a bit, he moves along the tank wall, following people as they walk by, and then does the same thing but upside down... he is obviously loving all the attention. he is a powerful and glorious beast, and all the people who come to see him are his subjects and admirers. far from being sad about living in an enclosure, he is definitely in control of his life, his environment, and the people around him, and he's perfectly happy to boot. the only time you might see him sulk is when other animals are getting more attention, which sometimes prompts him to come out of the water and lie in the sun... and then people are quite shocked and amazed to see ALL of the hippo---which is quite impressive indeed! he is 7,000 lbs. and his teeth are as big around and as long as my arm! for a grass-eater, esp, this is something worthy of consideration. keep in mind, they are used to, at most, only seeing his Eyes or Nose above water, if anything at all.

so, in the first part of the dream, my daughter is in a tank, in a lab, being watched as if a scientific specimen. which is very much in line with her being autistic and people writ large tending to regard her as an object of scientific concern instead of a fellow being. it's always about data and forms and checksheets. she might as well be in a tank hooked up to monitors, like the beginning of the dream. in the end, of the dream, though, she is a baby hippo--- destined to one day RULE that tank, and in no way upset by being observed, no, far from it... she is a graceful, glorious creature, and we are all her willing subjects. she knows she is powerful, has absolutely no qualms or self-confidence issues; she knows that we can't help but admire her and be in awe. that's one way I've come to interpret the dream: my daughter is going to be just fine, no matter what other people's expectations of her are. she has her own life with her own experiences and she is very likely NOT going to fulfill anybody else's ideas of what she should be (she's not going to emerge as a butterfly after all), but she'll be what she is happy and natural being (a cute little hippo). she does not need other people to validate her, because the people who see her for who she is will find her to be an amazing person, and to heck with the rest. literally speaking, a hippo's skin weighs a ton, it is 4cm thick, bullet-proof and accounts for 25% of their weight. no snarky little comments directed her way are EVER going to get through to my daughter. they will bounce off and hit somebody else in the eye, maybe, but my daughter will be completely nonplussed (always has been, always will).

and in case we ever forget who we're dealing with, or underestimate her, she'll come out of the water and let us see her in the full light of day, where we can't blame anything on distortions due to water.

this is the second way I've come to interpret the dream: most of the time she is underwater---in short, she has far far more potential and ability than she usually lets people see. and she does use her potential and ability, but in ways that are not easily/ readily recognized or noticed by others. but, again keep in mind, when she DOES come out of the water, it's usually only to sleep in the sun. she STILL is not showing us all her potential. a hippo, with all that tonnage, can still run faster (sprinting) than a human on land--- from 18-30 mph. and a hippo can bite a crocodile in half with its jaws. they are amazing creatures to be dealt with very very respectfully, and yet you might never guess one could even STAND on land, until it came after you :D . and my daughter, she has this marvelous potential (not to bite a crocodile in half of course, but I mean mental potential), and yet she will never show it to you unless she absolutely has to. which makes sense; hippos don't typically go to extremes unless they are feeling very threatened, and my daughter is the same way.

the third way I've come to interpret the dream is this: water is usually symbollic of the subconscious or of the emotional realm, in dreams. my daughter is in a water-filled tank, therefore she's submerged in the emotional reality of the world. but. hippos don't swim. they can't in the least bit swim. they only walk along the bottom (of the tank, river, etc), and then push against the bottom to rise towards the top. they can float, but they can't swim. most creatures of the water DO swim. fish, turtles, salamanders, even ducks or otters... you'd think, if it spends so much time in the water; it could swim. but hippos don't. the one at the zoo, with all his graceful ballet, doesn't swim. he achieves his motion by pushing against the tank walls and the bottom of the pool, mostly. and yet! you really should see him. people are always taken aback when told that he can't swim. you'd never know. he could fool anyone. and, you start thinking, does it matter that he doesn't swim, when he moves so gracefully anyway? and I'd say, no, it doesn't matter at all. they get around just fine. it's different, but it works. and, my daughter, submerged in the emotional reality of the world, doesn't "swim" either. she doesn't navigate the social and emotional world in the same way as all the other creatures of the social world. but it really doesn't matter. her way is different, but it's beautiful, and it still works. in fact, if you're not careful, it will fool you all across the board.

anyway, that's the dream. and it was so meaningful to me that I thought you'd appreciate it; I thought I'd share.

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Copyright 2009 Amy Howell. All rights reserved.

Sorry for the delays,

while I start over again from scratch-

still, this is coming along so much faster than what I tried before...