I am not alone
no, never alone

one must honor commitments

since what I wanted was a dialogue with her,
and I knew she wasn’t listening
so why bother.

she never was listening.
before, she would pretend at least-
but anyway I just realized

it’s not her I need to speak with:
it’s me

me
breaking through the surface
gasping for air

for even though we dragons
can breathe the depths just fine,
the air sure is sweet

after three years on the ocean floor
I am rising, breaking through the surface of the water,
and taking to the air

and now that I am moving again
that part of me which is empty-full empty-full empty-full
moving life through me, moving me through life

needs me to listen-
and not only during dreams-
needs me to listen, and to reply with my whole being

What’s the opposite of a poem?
I’m afraid today I’ll write one.
I want to write a poem, of course,
But I can’t even recite one.

My voice is gone, my throat is dry,
My brain is packed in cotton wool;
My sight is fading as we speak,
And I might have carpal tunnel.

Excuses all, and shameful ones,
Except that my brain is quite dead.
It’s hard to rhyme in flowing verse
The random static in my head.

Perhaps, with luck, this will not last
And tomorrow Muse will find me.
I might forget this awkward phase-
Until number iii reminds me.

(Let’s be honest- it’s more like Until numbers i-iii remind me.
What a sketchy start to this year’s NaPoWriMo.  When will my brain engage???)

pelican adrift
nesting buoyant on breezes
alongside the moon

where
is my
balance now
these days so full
of sleep-deprived dreams
the past so full of goals

lots of nothing happens
faster and faster
the pendulum
affording
one wild
ride

I am still debating/ brainstorming on whether or not to have all the dream scripts as part of a larger metascript or just each on their own.  Thankfully I have a few months to decide.

Right now it’s just an idea.

I also started a book called Digging into WordPress by Chris Coyier & Jeff Starr, and subsequently I have found half a dozen things to change already.

Who knows?  I might figure this out yet!

#38 of 38 for 2011:

Chapterhouse:  Dune, by Frank Herbert.  Wow, just, wow.

Well, it had to end sometime.  I need to reread the entire series and do a proper write-up on each of them.  No, I don’t know if I will ever read the ones by Brian Herbert- I definitely don’t want to kill the magic.  PURE MAGIC.

Coming up soon:  The Best of 2011 List.

So #37 for 2011:

How could you do that? by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Some of it I agreed with whole-heartedly; some of it I disagreed with rather strongly; some of it was journalism.  But I wasn’t expecting much to begin with here. I mean, the author is a syndicated radio show host, not a novelist.  And it certainly served its purpose.

I will share some interesting bits though:

…the tenacity of spirit and nobility of purpose with which people can choose to behave- where sacrifice and suffering are seen as part of the elevation of the soul in accomplishing something truly special:  being human.  (p. 4)

“If I am not for myself,” asks the Jewish proverb, “who will be?  But if I am only for myself, who am I?”  (p. 26)

It is truly amazing how we can try to dissociate our behaviors from recognition of who we are.  We are what we do, and that’s that!  There is nowhere to hide from yourself when your behaviors outline a lack of ethics or values, i.e., character.  (p.35)

When you choose wrong because it suits you right now, the message you give others is that when it suits you, you may likely do wrong again.  You become a threat and a liability to others.  That’s a pragmatic reason, outside of pride in morality, not to do wrong.
Please do focus in on the word choose.  Ultimately, every action is the result of choice with intent- no matter how much you’d like to blame the devil for makin’ you do it.  And that’s what others recognize and note about you.  (p. 36)

Just remember that your unwillingness to take a stand or take an action in the face of fear,  longing, hope, and abject emotional pain [not to mention inconvenience] will ultimately determine the quality of your life.  (p. 43)

…[W]hat you choose to do under difficult conditions speaks to who you are and what you are like, more than what you do in so-called normal times.  Our behaviors tell us who we are, not our fantasies about our ideal selves under ideal circumstances.  (p. 54)

It is right to stand by your partner.  It is also right to protect yourself from the ongoing destructiveness of self-destructive people, no matter what relationship they have to you, including being “your woman.” (p. 65)

I slept and dreamt that life was Joy.
I woke and saw that life was Duty.
I acted, and behold, Duty was Joy.
/Rabinranath Tagore

If we constantly overreact as though each glitch portends yet another apocalypse, then we don’t allow the other person to be real, we refuse to acknowledge that relationships take work, we assume that the relationship must be a breast to feed only us.  (p. 110)

Insecure sometimes means that you haven’t done the things you need to do so that your reputation with yourself has grown.  (p. 134)

It’s when you blend feelings with a major dose of courage, conscience, and rational thought that you connect to the most self-respectful aspects of your humanity.  (p. 142)

I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy.  I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate.  It is above all, to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.
/Leo Rosten

Isn’t this like kicking someone when they’re down?  No, quite the opposite.  Her self-esteem and demoralization already exist and are being continually massaged by her destructive behaviors!  My position is that by acknowledging the “wrongness” of her current actions she gives herself a concrete way out of misery. (p. 164)

I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as the days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye.
I don’t want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I’ve done.
I can never hide myself from me
I see what others may never see.
I know what others may never know
I can never fool myself and so
Whatever happens I want to be
Self-respecting & conscience free!
/Author unknown

It wasn’t as cool, of course.  There wasn’t anyone else there, and everything consisted of being golden and warm.  And sort of fuzzy.